News item: Dobson to cure Haggard of homosexuality

Dis is rich:

Dobson to aid in counseling Haggard
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - Focus on the Family founder James Dobson will be one of the people overseeing counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard, the evangelical pastor who was fired amid allegations of gay sex and drug use, a senior official of Dobson's organization said Monday.

The counseling process, called restoration, could take years, said H.B. London, vice president for church and clergy at Focus on the Family, a Colorado Springs-based ministry.

Here's how it works:
Dobson places Haggard in a room, the walls and ceiling of which is covered in pictures of young, muscular men. Dobson, a psychologist as well as minister, will instruct Haggard to look intensely at all the picutres and repeat: "I will not eat meat. I will not eat meat."

After repeating the formula over and over, in this case for months, Haggard is released a cured and changed man.

We jump to the near future about six months after the Rev. James Dobson pronouces his most famous patient "cured" of homosexuality.

Of course the good Rev. Dobson will of necessity need to cruise Colorado Spring's most notorious gay night clubs to make sure his star pupil doesn't backslide.

And it happened in the course of his rounds one night, Dobson walks into Club Q, 3430 North Academy Blvd and who should he see with his arms wrapped around two Navel Academy Midshipmen, in town for the Air Force Academy/Navy football game, but Ted Haggard.

"God damn you, you faggot sonuvabitch! You lied to me! You said you would not eat meat and here I find you in the arms of a couple of sailors!" thundered Dobson.

Haggard looks up at Dobson and smiles, "This ain't meat, Jim. This is seafood!"